Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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