so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
