omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
