i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
