you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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