I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
