I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
