Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I didn't notice because vodka
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
