Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
