I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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