why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
