not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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