This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
