How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
