it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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