dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
sex in a hospital.. check
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
