I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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