I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
