super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
