So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
