someone threw a dead crab at me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
