is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
