just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
