if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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