she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
this is an emotional support booty call
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
