So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
