I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
