She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize