ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
