His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
