Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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