you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
