apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
