i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
