can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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