sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
