So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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