he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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