I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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