Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
