You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
