My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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