I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
