3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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