Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
