maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
