margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
