don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
