im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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