Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you win again, gameday.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
