He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
