apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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