I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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