So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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