He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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