Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
