And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
