I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
