I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
