I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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