It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
