I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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