If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
