just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
