Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
