Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
