he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
