I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
