If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
