The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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