you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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