So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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