you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
