Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
