she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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