There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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