Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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